Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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