I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
