'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
