Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
