So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
