She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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