I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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