Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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