i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
