you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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