Im at strip club and am horny
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
