All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
