also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
