Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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