Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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