i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just cut my nipple shaving
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
