One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
