i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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