should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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