She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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