dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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