a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
