She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
