He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
