i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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