I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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