Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
