So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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