I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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