By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
