It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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