so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
