dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
