I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
