Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
