I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
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Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
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Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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