She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
