So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
