I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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