That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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