oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
