Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
