You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
