Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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