Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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