You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
