Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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