So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
one two three fourrrrnication!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
