I hate your face
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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