You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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