my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
