I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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