I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
