Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
