If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
