You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
