haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
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She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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