Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
