Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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