I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
