i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
