My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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