so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
