I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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