Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i drank out of a bidet.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize