No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
