Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
