You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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