Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
