Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
