Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
